EUDAIMONIA

You don’t know how fucked up it is. When people disappear and you don’t know why. They don’t tell you and maybe they think I just wanted to hurt them. I never do, ever. I’ve said sorry a million times and it’s like a book of never ending rules I never got to learn. I can’t see the writing and can’t read the words. At the end you’re alone. You don’t really know why and they never tell you. I think maybe they’d expect you to know by now. Maybe they’re sick of telling you. Maybe you just never see the fucking signs. I’m sorry. To you. To her. To everyone else I don’t even know I’ve fucked over. I guess when you leave without a word I’ve done something. I’ll never know what. Who do I blame if I can even blame anyone but myself? I wish there was a book. A set of people I could have learnt from. But there wasn’t. There barely is now. I’m really fucking sorry. There’s so much I would have done for you all. I do appreciate everything you’ve all been in my life. But i hurt you all the time and it seems I don’t even know it. I wish I knew. I’m sorry. I almost hate you. I can’t blame you. You don’t know either. You hurt me too. They both hurt me. Then there was you. Now I’ve hurt another. I’m sorry. I know words don’t really help but I am. I’m really sorry again and again. Now and forever.